When I met you at the laundromat
you said be cool, I said I can't do that

Well, like there was any surprise, Peter Jackson made me wish I could be a goddamn elf again. Geezus, with shooting and swordplay and slice, swing ka-ching, my god, amazing. Orcs losing heads, good guys dying dramatically, elves, hobbits, the undead rising to form an army of thousands with the sole purpose of killing humans, undead who are even willing to resort to cannibalism if need be, good guys that just cannot die even when they decide to just head first into a large group of enemies. Wow. People after the movie complained that, "it was way too long, I just don't have the attention span for that sort of thing," these same people must have ignored a greater 2/3 of the film since it almost becomes short attention span theater (which, as a side note, was a great show). They flash to an action packed battle scene, flash to hobbits and treepeople, flash to battle, flash to Frodo, flash to battle, nothing but goodness for those who can't concentrate on things for more than five minutes. But, then again, if huge dragons that make the most god awful terrifying noises ever can't make you sit at attention, then you should probably not be at this film to begin with, not to slight the man, but there is a new Vin Diesel movie coming out, look, no Orcs, but his wife gets killed and then he "has nothing to live for" and starts blowing shit up, you can go see that instead. I'm sure that movie is not formulaic at all. Of course, as soon as him and his wife hug at the beginning of the trailer, something clicked in my head, "oh yeah, she has to die."
Oh, and they're making XXX2.
On another note, I am not done with Christmas shopping. The malls scare me. Wal Mart scares me. Stores two days before Christmas just worry me. I wish I could be killing the undead with my lightning fast archery skills instead. P-shoo, p-shoo, p-shoo. And then I could swing onto a horse as it was speeding past me in slow motion. I would be in real time though. That's just how fast I would be.
posted by beta at 12/23/2002 11:54:00 AM